按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
madame！ poor madame！ she is happy now；〃 I heard her saying to herself
amid her sobs。
As the procession left the road to the mills I heard a simultaneous
moan and a sound of weeping as though the valley were lamenting for
its soul。 The church was filled with people。 After the service was
over we went to the graveyard where she wished to be buried near the
cross。 When I heard the pebbles and the gravel falling upon the coffin
my courage gave way； I staggered and asked the two Martineaus to
steady me。 They took me； half…dead； to the chateau of Sache； where the
owners very kindly invited me to stay； and I accepted。 I will own to
you that I dreaded a return to Clochegourde； and it was equally
repugnant to me to go to Frapesle； where I could see my Henriette's
windows。 Here； at Sache； I was near her。 I lived for some days in a
room which looked on the tranquil； solitary valley I have mentioned to
you。 It is a deep recess among the hills； bordered by oaks that are
doubly centenarian； through which a torrent rushes after rain。 The
scene was in keeping with the stern and solemn meditations to which I
desired to abandon myself。
I had perceived； during the day which followed the fatal night； how
unwelcome my presence might be at Clochegourde。 The count had gone
through violent emotions at the death of his wife； but he had expected
the event； his mind was made up to it in a way that was something like
indifference。 I had noticed this several times； and when the countess
gave me that letter （which I still dared not read） and when she spoke
of her affection for me； I remarked that the count； usually so quick
to take offence； made no sign of feeling any。 He attributed
Henriette's wording to the extreme sensitiveness of a conscience which
he knew to be pure。 This selfish insensibility was natural to him。 The
souls of these two beings were no more married than their bodies； they
had never had the intimate communion which keeps feeling alive； they
had shared neither pains nor pleasures； those strong links which tear
us by a thousand edges when broken； because they touch on all our
fibers； and are fastened to the inmost recesses of our hearts。
Another consideration forbade my return to Clochegourde；Madeleine's
hostility。 That hard young girl was not disposed to modify her hatred
beside her mother's coffin。 Between the count； who would have talked
to me incessantly of himself； and the new mistress of the house； who
would have shown me invincible dislike； I should have found myself
horribly annoyed。 To be treated thus where once the very flowers
welcomed me； where the steps of the portico had a voice； where my
memory clothed with poetry the balconies； the fountains； the
balustrades； the trees； the glimpses of the valleys！ to be hated where
I once was lovedthe thought was intolerable to me。 So； from the
first； my mind was made up。
Alas！ alas！ was this the end of the keenest love that ever entered the
heart of man？ To the eyes of strangers my conduct might be
reprehensible； but it had the sanction of my own conscience。 It is
thus that the noblest feelings； the sublimest dramas of our youth must
end。 We start at dawn； as I from Tours to Clochegourde； we clutch the
world； our hearts hungry for love； then； when our treasure is in the
crucible； when we mingle with men and circumstances； all becomes
gradually debased and we find but little gold among the ashes。 Such is
life！ life as it is； great pretensions； small realities。 I meditated
long about myself； debating what I could do after a blow like this
which had mown down every flower of my soul。 I resolved to rush into
the science of politics； into the labyrinth of ambition； to cast woman
from my life and to make myself a statesman； cold and passionless； and
so remain true to the saint I loved。 My thoughts wandered into far…off
regions while my eyes were fastened on the splendid tapestry of the
yellowing oaks； the stern summits； the bronzed foothills。 I asked
myself if Henriette's virtue were not； after all； that of ignorance；
and if I were indeed guilty of her death。 I fought against remorse。 At
last； in the sweetness of an autumn midday； one of those last smiles
of heaven which are so beautiful in Touraine； I read the letter which
at her request I was not to open before her death。 Judge of my
feelings as I read it。
Madame de Mortsauf to the Vicomte Felix de Vandenesse：
Felix； friend； loved too well； I must now lay bare my heart to
you；not so much to prove my love as to show you the weight of
obligation you have incurred by the depth and gravity of the
wounds you have inflicted on it。 At this moment； when I sink
exhausted by the toils of life； worn out by the shocks of its
battle； the woman within me is； mercifully； dead； the mother alone
survives。 Dear； you are now to see how it was that you were the
original cause of all my sufferings。 Later； I willingly received
your blows； to…day I am dying of the final wound your hand has
given；but there is joy； excessive joy in feeling myself
destroyed by him I love。
My physical sufferings will soon put an end to my mental strength；
I therefore use the last clear gleams of intelligence to implore
you to befriend my children and replace the heart of which you
have deprived them。 I would solemnly impose this duty upon you if
I loved you less； but I prefer to let you choose it for yourself
as an act of sacred repentance； and also in faithful continuance
of your lovelove； for us； was ever mingled with repentant
thoughts and expiatory fears！ butI know it wellwe shall
forever love each other。 Your wrong to me was not so fatal an act
in itself as the power which I let it have within me。 Did I not
tell you I was jealous； jealous unto death？ Well； I die of it。
But； be comforted； we have kept all human laws。 The Church has
told me； by one of her purest voices； that God will be forgiving
to those who subdue their natural desires to His commandments。 My
beloved； you are now to know all； for I would not leave you in
ignorance of any thought of mine。 What I confide to God in my last
hour you； too； must know；you； king of my heart as He is King of
Heaven。
Until the ball given to the Duc d'Angouleme （the only ball at
which I was ever present）； marriage had left me in that ignorance
which gives to the soul of a young girl the beauty of the angels。
True； I was a mother； but love had never surrounded me with its
permitted pleasures。 How did this happen？ I do not know； neither
do I know by what law everything within me changed in a moment。
You remember your kisses？ they have mastered my life； they have
furrowed my soul； the ardor of your blood awoke the ardor of mine；
your youth entered my youth； your desires my soul。 When I rose and
left you proudly I was filled with an emotion for which I know no
name in any languagefor children have not yet found a word to
express the marriage of their eyes with light； nor the kiss of
life laid upon their lips。 Yes； it was sound coming in the echo；
light flashing through the darkness； motion shaking the universe；
at least； it was rapid like all these things； but far more
beautiful； for it was the birth of the soul！ I comprehended then
that something； I knew not what； existed for me in the world；a
force nobler than thought； for it was all thoughts； all forces； it
was the future itself in a shared emotion。 I felt I was but half a
mother。 Falling thus upon my heart this thunderbolt awoke desires
which slumbered there without my knowledge； suddenly I divined all
that my aunt had meant when she kissed my forehead； murmuring；
〃Poor Henriette！〃
When I returned to Clochegourde； the springtime； the first leaves；
the fragrance of the flowers； the white and fleecy clouds； the
Indre； the sky； all spoke to me in a language till then unknown。
If you have forgo