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which depended the honour； the very life of a third person。
〃No matter！〃 she said； looking at him sadly。 〃I have suffered
much。〃
He replied philosophically
〃Such is life！〃
〃Has life；〃 Emma went on； 〃been good to you at least； since our
separation？〃
〃Oh； neither good nor bad。〃
〃Perhaps it would have been better never to have parted。〃
〃Yes； perhaps。〃
〃You think so？〃 she said； drawing nearer； and she sighed。 〃Oh；
Rodolphe！ if you but knew！ I loved you so！〃
It was then that she took his hand； and they remained some time；
their fingers intertwined； like that first day at the Show。 With
a gesture of pride he struggled against this emotion。 But sinking
upon his breast she said to him
〃How did you think I could live without you？ One cannot lose the
habit of happiness。 I was desolate。 I thought I should die。 I
will tell you about all that and you will see。 And youyou fled
from me！〃
For； all the three years； he had carefully avoided her in
consequence of that natural cowardice that characterises the
stronger sex。 Emma went on； with dainty little nods； more coaxing
than an amorous kitten
〃You love others； confess it！ Oh； I understand them； dear！ I
excuse them。 You probably seduced them as you seduced me。 You are
indeed a man； you have everything to make one love you。 But we'll
begin again； won't we？ We will love one another。 See！ I am
laughing； I am happy！ Oh； speak！〃
And she was charming to see； with her eyes； in which trembled a
tear； like the rain of a storm in a blue corolla。
He had drawn her upon his knees； and with the back of his hand
was caressing her smooth hair； where in the twilight was mirrored
like a golden arrow one last ray of the sun。 She bent down her
brow； at last he kissed her on the eyelids quite gently with the
tips of his lips。
〃Why； you have been crying！ What for？〃
She burst into tears。 Rodolphe thought this was an outburst of
her love。 As she did not speak； he took this silence for a last
remnant of resistance； and then he cried out
〃Oh； forgive me！ You are the only one who pleases me。 I was
imbecile and cruel。 I love you。 I will love you always。 What is
it。 Tell me！〃 He was kneeling by her。
〃Well； I am ruined； Rodolphe！ You must lend me three thousand
francs。〃
〃Butbut〃 said he； getting up slowly； while his face assumed a
grave expression。
〃You know；〃 she went on quickly； 〃that my husband had placed his
whole fortune at a notary's。 He ran away。 So we borrowed； the
patients don't pay us。 Moreover； the settling of the estate is
not yet done； we shall have the money later on。 But to…day； for
want of three thousand francs； we are to be sold up。 It is to be
at once； this very moment； and； counting upon your friendship； I
have come to you。〃
〃Ah！〃 thought Rodolphe； turning very pale； 〃that was what she
came for。〃 At last he said with a calm air
〃Dear madame； I have not got them。〃
He did not lie。 If he had had them； he would； no doubt； have
given them； although it is generally disagreeable to do such fine
things： a demand for money being； of all the winds that blow upon
love； the coldest and most destructive。
First she looked at him for some moments。
〃You have not got them！〃 she repeated several times。 〃You have
not got them！ I ought to have spared myself this last shame。 You
never loved me。 You are no better than the others。〃
She was betraying； ruining herself。
Rodolphe interrupted her； declaring he was 〃hard up〃 himself。
〃Ah！ I pity you；〃 said Emma。 〃Yesvery much。〃
And fixing her eyes upon an embossed carabine； that shone against
its panoply； 〃But when one is so poor one doesn't have silver on
the butt of one's gun。 One doesn't buy a clock inlaid with
tortoise shell；〃 she went on； pointing to a buhl timepiece； 〃nor
silver…gilt whistles for one's whips；〃 and she touched them； 〃nor
charms for one's watch。 Oh； he wants for nothing！ even to a
liqueur…stand in his room！ For you love yourself； you live well。
You have a chateau； farms； woods； you go hunting； you travel to
Paris。 Why； if it were but that；〃 she cried； taking up two studs
from the mantelpiece； 〃but the least of these trifles； one can
get money for them。 Oh； I do not want them； keep them！〃
And she threw the two links away from her； their gold chain
breaking as it struck against the wall。
〃But I！ I would have given you everything。 I would have sold all；
worked for you with my hands； I would have begged on the
highroads for a smile； for a look； to hear you say 'Thanks！' And
you sit there quietly in your arm…chair； as if you had not made
me suffer enough already！ But for you； and you know it； I might
have lived happily。 What made you do it？ Was it a bet？ Yet you
loved meyou said so。 And but a moment sinceAh！ it would have
been better to have driven me away。 My hands are hot with your
kisses； and there is the spot on the carpet where at my knees you
swore an eternity of love！ You made me believe you； for two years
you held me in the most magnificent； the sweetest dream！ Eh！ Our
plans for the journey； do you remember？ Oh； your letter！ your
letter！ it tore my heart！ And then when I come back to himto
him； rich； happy； freeto implore the help the first stranger
would give； a suppliant； and bringing back to him all my
tenderness； he repulses me because it would cost him three
thousand francs！〃
〃I haven't got them；〃 replied Rodolphe； with that perfect calm
with which resigned rage covers itself as with a shield。
She went out。 The walls trembled； the ceiling was crushing her；
and she passed back through the long alley； stumbling against the
heaps of dead leaves scattered by the wind。 At last she reached
the ha…ha hedge in front of the gate； she broke her nails against
the lock in her haste to open it。 Then a hundred steps farther
on； breathless； almost falling； she stopped。 And now turning
round； she once more saw the impassive chateau； with the park；
the gardens； the three courts； and all the windows of the facade。
She remained lost in stupor； and having no more consciousness of
herself than through the beating of her arteries； that she seemed
to hear bursting forth like a deafening music filling all the
fields。 The earth beneath her feet was more yielding than the
sea； and the furrows seemed to her immense brown waves breaking
into foam。 Everything in her head； of memories； ideas； went off
at once like a thousand pieces of fireworks。 She saw her father；
Lheureux's closet； their room at home； another landscape。 Madness
was coming upon her； she grew afraid； and managed to recover
herself； in a confused way； it is true； for she did not in the；
least remember the cause of the terrible condition she was in；
that is to say； the question of money。 She suffered only in her
love； and felt her soul passing from her in this memory； as
wounded men； dying； feel their life ebb from their bleeding
wounds。
Night was falling； crows were flying about。
Suddenly it seemed to her that fiery spheres were exploding in
the air like fulminating balls when they strike； and were
whirling； whirling； to melt at last upon the snow between the
branches of the trees。 In the midst of each of them appeared the
face of Rodolphe。 They multiplied and drew near her； penetrating；
her。 It all disappeared； she recognised the lights of the houses
that shone through the fog。
Now her situation； like an abyss； rose up before her。 She was
panting as if her heart would burst。 Then in an ecstasy of
heroism； that made her almost joyous； she ran down the hill；
crossed the cow…plank； the foot…path； the alley； the market； and
reached the chemist's shop。 She was about to enter； but at the
sound of the bell someone might come； and slipping in by the
gate； holding her breath； feeling her way along the walls； she
went as far as the door of the kitchen； where a candle stuck on
the stove was burning。 Justin in his shirt…sleeves was carrying
out a dish。
〃Ah！ they are dining； I will wait。〃
He returned； she tapped at the window。 He went out。
〃The key！ the one for upstairs where he keeps the〃
〃What？〃
And he looked at her； astonished at the pallor of her face； that
stood out white against the black background of the