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And it is like a woman stooping down and creeping about
behind that pattern。 I don't like it a bit。 I wonderI begin
to thinkI wish John would take me away from here！
It is so hard to talk with John about my case； because he is
so wise； and because he loves me so。
But I tried it last night。
It was moonlight。 The moon shines in all around just as the
sun does。
I hate to see it sometimes； it creeps so slowly； and always
comes in by one window or another。
John was asleep and I hated to waken him； so I kept still
and watched the moonlight on that undulating wall…paper till I
felt creepy。
The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern； just as
if she wanted to get out。
I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper DID
move； and when I came back John was awake。
〃What is it； little girl？〃 he said。 〃Don't go walking about
like thatyou'll get cold。〃
I though it was a good time to talk； so I told him that I
really was not gaining here； and that I wished he would take me
away。
〃Why darling！〃 said he； 〃our lease will be up in three
weeks； and I can't see how to leave before。
〃The repairs are not done at home； and I cannot possibly
leave town just now。 Of course if you were in any danger； I
could and would； but you really are better； dear； whether you can
see it or not。 I am a doctor； dear； and I know。 You are gaining
flesh and color； your appetite is better； I feel really much
easier about you。〃
〃I don't weigh a bit more；〃 said I； 〃nor as much； and my
appetite may be better in the evening when you are here； but it
is worse in the morning when you are away！〃
〃Bless her little heart！〃 said he with a big hug； 〃she shall
be as sick as she pleases！ But now let's improve the shining
hours by going to sleep； and talk about it in the morning！〃
〃And you won't go away？〃 I asked gloomily。
〃Why； how can I； dear？ It is only three weeks more and then
we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is
getting the house ready。 Really dear you are better！〃
〃Better in body perhaps〃 I began； and stopped short； for
he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern；
reproachful look that I could not say another word。
〃My darling；〃 said he； 〃I beg of you； for my sake and for
our child's sake； as well as for your own； that you will never
for one instant let that idea enter your mind！ There is nothing
so dangerous； so fascinating； to a temperament like yours。 It is
a false and foolish fancy。 Can you not trust me as a physician
when I tell you so？〃
So of course I said no more on that score； and we went to
sleep before long。 He thought I was asleep first； but I wasn't；
and lay there for hours trying to decide whether that front
pattern and the back pattern really did move together or
separately。
On a pattern like this； by daylight； there is a lack of
sequence； a defiance of law； that is a constant irritant to a
normal mind。
The color is hideous enough； and unreliable enough； and
infuriating enough； but the pattern is torturing。
You think you have mastered it； but just as you get well
underway in following； it turns a back…somersault and there you
are。 It slaps you in the face； knocks you down； and tramples
upon you。 It is like a bad dream。
The outside pattern is a florid arabesque； reminding one of
a fungus。 If you can imagine a toadstool in joints； an
interminable string of toadstools； budding and sprouting in
endless convolutionswhy； that is something like it。
That is； sometimes！
There is one marked peculiarity about this paper； a thing
nobody seems to notice but myself；and that is that it changes as
the light changes。
When the sun shoots in through the east windowI always
watch for that first long； straight rayit changes so quickly
that I never can quite believe it。
That is why I watch it always。
By moonlightthe moon shines in all night when there is a
moonI wouldn't know it was the same paper。
At night in any kind of light； in twilight； candle light；
lamplight； and worst of all by moonlight； it becomes bars！ The
outside pattern I mean； and the woman behind it is as plain as
can be。
I didn't realize for a long time what the thing was that
showed behind； that dim sub…pattern； but now I am quite sure it
is a woman。
By daylight she is subdued； quiet。 I fancy it is the
pattern that keeps her so still。 It is so puzzling。 It keeps me
quiet by the hour。
I lie down ever so much now。 John says it is good for me；
and to sleep all I can。
Indeed he started the habit by making me lie down for an
hour after each meal。
It is a very bad habit I am convinced； for you see I don't
sleep。
And that cultivates deceit； for I don't tell them I'm
awakeO no！
The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John。
He seems very queer sometimes； and even Jennie has an
inexplicable look。
It strikes me occasionally； just as a scientific
hypothesis；that perhaps it is the paper！
I have watched John when he did not know I was looking； and
come into the room suddenly on the most innocent excuses； and
I've caught him several times LOOKING AT THE PAPER！ And Jennie
too。 I caught Jennie with her hand on it once。
She didn't know I was in the room； and when I asked her in a
quiet； a very quiet voice； with the most restrained manner
possible； what she was doing with the papershe turned around as
if she had been caught stealing； and looked quite angryasked me
why I should frighten her so！
Then she said that the paper stained everything it touched；
that she had found yellow smooches on all my clothes and John's；
and she wished we would be more careful！
Did not that sound innocent？ But I know she was studying
that pattern； and I am determined that nobody shall find it out
but myself！
Life is very much more exciting now than it used to be。 You
see I have something more to expect； to look forward to； to
watch。 I really do eat better； and am more quiet than I was。
John is so pleased to see me improve！ He laughed a little
the other day； and said I seemed to be flourishing in spite of my
wall…paper。
I turned it off with a laugh。 I had no intention of telling
him it was BECAUSE of the wall…paperhe would make fun of me。
He might even want to take me away。
I don't want to leave now until I have found it out。 There
is a week more； and I think that will be enough。
I'm feeling ever so much better！ I don't sleep much at
night； for it is so interesting to watch developments； but I
sleep a good deal in the daytime。
In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing。
There are always new shoots on the fungus； and new shades of
yellow all over it。 I cannot keep count of them； though I have
tried conscientiously。
It is the strangest yellow； that wall…paper！ It makes me
think of all the yellow things I ever sawnot beautiful ones
like buttercups； but old foul； bad yellow things。
But there is something else about that paperthe smell！ I
noticed it the moment we came into the room； but with so much air
and sun it was not bad。 Now we have had a week of fog and rain；
and whether the windows are open or not； the smell is here。
It creeps alll over the house。
I find it hovering in the dining…room； skulking in the
parlor； hiding in the hall； lying in wait for me on the stairs。
It gets into my hair。
Even when I go to ride； if I turn my head suddenly and
surprise itthere is that smell！
Such a peculiar odor； too！ I have spent hours in trying to
analyze it； to find what it smelled like。
It is not badat first； and very gentle； but quite the
subtlest； most enduring odor I ever met。
In this damp weather it is awful； I wake up in the night and
find it hanging over me。
It used to disturb me at first。 I thought seriously of
burning the houseto reach the smell。
But now I am used to it。 The only thing I can think of that
it is like is the COLOR of the paper！ A yellow smell。
There is a very funny mark on this wall； low down； near the
mopboard。 A streak that runs round the room。 It goes behind
every piece of furniture； except the bed； a long； straight； even
SMOOCH； as if it had been rubbed over and over。
I wonder